Thursday, August 5th, 2010 | Filed under Comic, Moral Police 41 Comments

Newspaper photo by Black Custard on Flickr. Creative Commons attribution license.

And now, for something completely different…

A cross posting of a similar blog post by BigFishMag.

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Check out BigFishMag’s site for more hilarious goodness.

This is a list of things I’ve heard and that have been bothering me in no specific order.

I don’t give a rat’s ass

I’m talking to my friend, telling him that I’ve been reaching late for work since my bus arrives late. He turns to me and says, “I don’t give a rat’s ass.” I kicked his ass for being stupid. What makes people think that I want a rat’s ass? I don’t think I’ve ever in my life, remotely hinted at the possibility of wanting one. What good would come out of receiving it? What can I do with it? Would a rat’s ass make me feel better? Oh! Your bus ain’t on time? Take this rat’s ass and notice your sorrows disappear.

Anyways, who keeps a rat’s ass? You need to be really – I can’t stress enough on really – twisted to have one of them rat’s asses in your possession. By twisted I mean somewhere between deranged and ‘if I jump from this building, I think I’ll fly’ crazy. I haven’t spent enough time looking at rat to figure out if it has an ass… let alone one that is worth keeping. If someone actually had a rat’s ass which I presume he painstakingly amputated off a rat, using magnifying equipments and the latest modern technology, would he actually give it away? And when exactly would he give a rat’s ass? If I became the President? Bullshit! You think I want that when I became the President? Is it the greatest international award bestowed for outstanding work done in any field? Maybe if you were offering a supermodel’s ass I would think about it else you can just keep that rat’s ass and shove it.

… no offense meant

Every once in a while you’ll meet a pussy who’ll tell you something and then append it with “… no offense meant”. Example: You suck… no offense meant. Like that makes a difference. Guess what? Offense is mine to be taken and I’ll be damned if I don’t. I’m going to go ahead, whack the guy with a shovel and say, “You’re an idiot… no head concussion meant”. You want to say something come out and say it. Stop hiding being words, verbal cowards!

Politically incorrect

Yes, there is no spelling mistake. This phrase has started to piss me off for no end. In this shithole of a country where you have politicians allegedly making statements such as, “I’ll cut their hands off,” “If you arrest me I’ll make this city will burn” and “Leonardo DaPinchy is a great online writer and he should fuck my daughters.” Do you really think anyone is politically correct? And don’t act all holy because it’s not just politicians. I’ve heard people from varied states, languages, religions, color, breast sizes coming up with some fucked up thoughts. Now, if there isn’t anyone politically correct you can’t have anything politically incorrect. Just say what you want without adding some tag to it.

I think with my heart

“The heart is a myogenic muscular organ found in all animals with a circulatory system (including all vertebrates), that is responsible for pumping blood throughout the blood vessels by repeated, rhythmic contractions.” – Wikipedia

You read that? The heart is responsible for ‘pumping blood throughout the blood vessels’ and not for thinking. Also, ‘repeated, rhythmic contractions’ doesn’t really help in logical and computational activities. Redirect any decision/ thinking activity to your brain for better results. For example consider your PC, you use your hard-drive to store mp3s of bands that you are such big fans of that you don’t even want to spend a single buck on buying their CDs which they spend countless hours to create. You don’t store your mp3s in your speakers, do you? There is a place for everything. Like your head up your ass.

General observation, people who manage the biologically impossible act of ‘thinking with their heart’ usually make stupid decisions like deciding on a life partner when they haven’t even achieved an erection or the female equivalent. They end up fucking with their lives rather than fucking with their cocks or the female equivalent.

I’m better than you

Once in a while, you’ll meet a dumbass with an ego the size of Rasputin’s cock who’ll go on and on about how he’s better than you. I’m hardly the symbol of excellence in anything. Being better than me means nothing, stupid fucks! Next time someone says ‘I’m better than you’, I’m asking for some goddamn statistical evidence with a step by step proof using Newton-Rapston method and when his mathematically challenged ass is fumbling, I’ll pull his pants off and run away. Let’s see him be better than me without his pants on in full public view.

These ego retards also indulge in the belief that is,
I’m the centre of the universe

If you use this phrase, here’s why you are stupid.

1. The moon revolves around the earth. Here the earth is bigger in size.
2. The earth revolves around the sun. Here the sun is bigger in size.

So, if you think the universe revolves around you, you are the fattest fucking cocksucker alive. Hit the treadmill and start dieting.

I’m a fun loving person

Oh! You love fun? Not me! I love to be impaled by an iron rod which is at 2861 degree Celsius, from behind. Everyone loves fun. No one expects to sit home on a weekend and eat their arm off due to boredom. It should be illegal to say something stupid. People deserve to be shot. Who’s with me?

I’m a sarcastic person

A few sarcastic replies doesn’t make you a sarcastic person. Especially assholes who come up with sarcastic replies to rhetorical questions. You didn’t discover it. The ‘sarcastic reply to rhetorical questions’ has been done for more times than Paris Hilton. Give it a rest. For example, I saw someone drop a brick on their feet so I asked, “Did you get hurt?” The cunt says, “What do you think? A brick just fell on my feet. Hurt? No way! I think I just had an orgasm and I came in my pants. Wait here while I change my soiled underwear.” Oh wait! I was the one who dropped the brick on my feet. So as I was saying, what kind of dumbass asks stupid rhetorical questions? I should drop a brick on his feet and then see if it’s hurts.


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  1. 1
    gtoosphere // August 5th, 2010 at 1:51 am

    Cliche moral policing is a pretty good idea :)

    More such cliches!

  2. 2
    bada_pankha // August 5th, 2010 at 2:06 am

    Badiya bhaiya. Bahutey Badiya! :D

  3. 3
    thecomicproject // August 5th, 2010 at 2:32 am

    LOL @ Your Idea – Sonu Tech panel… it’s so so late 90s, early 00s … and still used. This is exactly what we need moral policing for.

  4. 5
    Abhijit // August 5th, 2010 at 7:35 am

    “And now for something completely different…”

    Its the first time I’ve seen a line from Monty Python being used anywhere…!!!

  5. 6
    Varun // August 5th, 2010 at 8:14 am

    Seriously: Cool story, bro.

    How’s that for a cliche?

  6. 7
    saadakhtar // August 5th, 2010 at 8:39 am

    @gtoosphere: An excellent article. Ah, I forgot outside the box. But there could be a full graphic novel on management terms and cliches.

    @pankha, comic, abhijit, varun: Thanks :)

  7. 8
    Abhishek // August 5th, 2010 at 10:53 am

    More policing needed! For the newspaper sports page.

    - When Chris Gayle scores some runs against India “Gayle force blows away India!”
    - When the Railways lose in domestic cricket/hockey etc “Railways derailed by XYZ”

    We need a moral policing Support our Troops wallpaper I say.

  8. 9
    djd // August 5th, 2010 at 11:09 am

    hahahaha nice more comics plx

  9. 10
    mayank sharma // August 5th, 2010 at 11:11 am

    haha… awesome again.. i just hope the PMPs live on forever n dont get “eliminated” like toe nail guys :)

  10. 11
    AR Hemant // August 5th, 2010 at 11:13 am

    Well said, well drawn. It’s been two years since I first said it on this blog: hope you plan to bring out an FYF book someday.

  11. 12
    saadakhtar // August 5th, 2010 at 11:18 am

    @Mayank: PMP are high resolution, public domain images of people now dead. They’ll be the last characters to go :D

    @AR Hemant: I’m just waiting for the economy to turn around man. Not many people would drop Rs 5,000 for a comic book in the current market. What? Reduce the price you say? That’s the kind of thinking that might have resulted in a Taj Mahal made of sandstone.

  12. 13
    mayank sharma // August 5th, 2010 at 11:24 am

    Good…. they r exactly the PMPs i would like to unleash on the general stupidity around :) … pls tell me u r gonna give them Bazookas to eliminate morons frm next post on :D

  13. 14
    Akshay // August 5th, 2010 at 11:25 am

    Surely, Comic Sans on corporate websites is the biggest effing cliche out there and that it must need to die?

    What is it that you say, it’s not a cliche but my pet peeve? Sorry, carry on.

    Good comic, nevertheless! :)

  14. 15
    saadakhtar // August 5th, 2010 at 11:31 am

    @akshay: Comic sans on corporate sites and signage is not cliched. It signifies that you are a fun loving company. Because comic sans is a comic font right? And comics are FUN, AMIRIGHT?? Everyone loves fun? Also, HR people learn this in their MBA schools. How else can you format a “Birthdays this week” mail without comic sans and blinky star .gif files?

  15. 16
    Xacarob // August 5th, 2010 at 11:52 am

    I’ve been out of it for a while but my RSS feed seems promising.

    Three new comics in such a short span of time. And all good ones too.

    w00t! w00t!

    more like ‘the gift that keeps on giving’ naa? *wink wink*

  16. 17
    Abhilash // August 5th, 2010 at 12:27 pm

    Its like you read my mind!
    To add to the list are:
    1. Saying “Hellos” WTF
    2. Starting a sentence with “No offense but…”
    3. Eating from my plate

    More to come… Maybe…

  17. 18
    Sam // August 5th, 2010 at 12:31 pm

    Long awaited return to form!! Excellent!

  18. 19
    Mahasweta // August 5th, 2010 at 12:52 pm

    i loved it :) especially the “sonu tech” one – the Practical Moral Police have spoken on my behalf!

  19. 20
    Shane // August 5th, 2010 at 2:14 pm

    Awesome! had a real good laugh. Thanks :)

  20. 21
    Sreeyesh // August 5th, 2010 at 3:24 pm

    The technical term for this kind of excessive cliché usage is Ravishastrification. It’s a big problem and must be stopped with tracer bullets! That’s what the doctor would order.

  21. 22
    Abhishek // August 5th, 2010 at 9:06 pm

    Moral police is on the right track :)

  22. 23
    nomad // August 6th, 2010 at 10:07 am

    This was fun, like a bull in the china shop of cliches – keep going like this, after all laughter is the best medicine and all that sort of thing…. :-)

  23. 24
    Fun Loving Person // August 6th, 2010 at 3:41 pm


    No offence meant on your mathematical skills, but it is hardly practical to solve anything more complex than a quadratic equation with Newton Raphson

  24. 25
    Jitu | News Uncle // August 7th, 2010 at 4:47 pm

    hiiiiiiiiiii am regular visitor of this website. it’s a amazing blog. we found here very funny and interesting news. i like it thanxx for the above post.

  25. 26
    Atrisa // August 12th, 2010 at 8:51 pm

    I will stop using the tiny rat’s ass phrase I swear :| It was Phoebe!

    Oh another one is “constructive criticism”. It makes sense but personally I feel it’s an abused term.

    Needless to say, good stuff. Hope you get time to post regularly.

  26. 27
    Soo // August 20th, 2010 at 4:24 pm

    Good one! You put our thoughts in pictures!

  27. 28
    Rover // August 21st, 2010 at 10:41 pm

    *Newton-Rhapson (and it has nothing to do with what you’re talking about)
    Look at that, I am better than you – despite your passive-aggressive denial.
    What’s with the sluggish pace of comics?

  28. 29
    Akshay // August 21st, 2010 at 10:44 pm

    @ Admin- nice stuff man, i wish to make comics for your site too….!! Specially on the broken heart msgs thing that ppl put as their fb status… it really pisses me off…!!

  29. 30
    Dave -- Our Delhi Struggle // September 1st, 2010 at 7:29 am

    Send the cliche police this way! We need them BAD!

  30. 31
    Rohit // September 3rd, 2010 at 9:26 pm

    It’s the Newton-Raphson method and not the Newton-Rapston method you fool. Stop using random mathematical jargon to confuse people. All this method does is find roots of an equation in a roundabout numerical manner. It cannot prove anything, let alone how I am better than you.

  31. 32
    Leo // September 5th, 2010 at 10:31 pm

    Dear Rohit or should I call you retard. Alright I’ll call you retard. Dear retard, I’m really sorry for using random mathematical jargon to confuse people, next time I use random mathematical jargon (RMJ) I’ll use it for world peace or maybe to summon a beer when I’m thirsty. Jesus! How hard is it to realize that the RMJ was used to incite humor or maybe just induce a smile but then again I don’t think you’ll know a good joke if you read it as a guest post by BigFishMag below a comic titled “Cliches that need to die” on http://www.FlyYouFools.com.

    PS: Yes, I know the last line isn’t original. It’s a regular gag and the credit goes to the guy who created it.

  32. 33
    Ram // September 6th, 2010 at 9:44 am

    Haute vs. Hot, fantastic! Just fantastic! You’re right, most people don’t get it.

  33. 34
    kaustuv // September 6th, 2010 at 9:32 pm

    haha.. loved the things that piss you off :) May i share some of them?

  34. 35
    saadakhtar // September 6th, 2010 at 9:52 pm

    @Kaustav: Sure, go ahead.

  35. 36
    vikram // September 15th, 2010 at 2:04 pm

    C’mon. Admit it. You ripped this off from maddox. The fun loving part is straight form this: http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=girls. And all the others look like: http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=puns

  36. 37
    mayank sharma // September 15th, 2010 at 3:09 pm
  37. 38
    saadakhtar // September 15th, 2010 at 6:55 pm

    Everybody. Calm the fuck down

  38. 39
    Anshul Tewari // February 27th, 2011 at 11:57 am

    I loved this post man! :D ROFL!

  39. 40
    Hindi smsm // July 23rd, 2011 at 6:48 pm

    Cool and fantastic, there’s actually some great points on this post some of my buddies may find this relevant, will send them a link, numerous thanks. Good blog! Truly fantatic stuff here.Thanks.

  40. 41
    shubhra // August 18th, 2011 at 11:12 am

    ur pet peeves are way too funny!! :)


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